My Biggest Struggle with Jealousy

Honesty Time!

So… I do struggle with many sins, but jealousy is pretty far down on that list. I can honestly say the jealousy is not normally a struggle of mine. I understand the implications and consequences that jealousy can bring. Jealousy tears up relationships like nothing else. Well, almost nothing else. I suppose lust, lying, and not shaving could be just as bad. Regardless, jealousy leads to mistrust, and mistrust makes relationship just plain no fun.

There is, however, one thing that makes me jealous. And YOU, loyal blog viewers, get to hear about it. So here it is…
(Be sure to hit “READ MORE”)

I get jealous of people  who  are  allowed  to  enjoy   their   life   by    pursuing    what     they      love.

Yeps. That’s it.
I don’t know, maybe “jealousy” isn’t the right word, but whatever the word is, it’s still a sin, I guess. How come some people get to enjoy their life, pursuing whatever brings them joy. All the while, I have to be “responsible”. I have to work, so I have the money to go to school. I have to sleep and do crappy homework and get stressed out and I JUST WANT TO DO WHAT I LOVE! [ Sorry… a bit of an outburst there 🙂 ]

I want to write, and to share God’s love with people. I want to live my life with a genuine smile on my face. Why can’t I do that…
I mean, these people appear to be following their dreams quite well.

John Green can write amazing novels and make blogs on YouTube.

Lindsey Stirling can PLAY THE VIOLIN like a boss, and enjoy it too.

Vi Hart is a math artist for crying out loud.

They do what they love. Why can’t I?
Maybe I’m just not talented enough. Maybe I have to work harder. 
Maybe…it’s not God’s will?

Not God’s will to do things in life I enjoy? My goodness…




Matthew Estes

Matthew Estes currently exists in the ether between graudate student and full-time worker. One day he hopes to be a full-time novelist and blogger, but until that day comes he spends his time playing video games, eating pizza, and being with his soon-to-be wife. However, he has yet to do all three at the same time. Bucket list stuff, you know.