Five Fictitious Disorders That Might As Well Be Real

What needs saying? There are some things that aren’t diagnosed, but need to be. I present these five disorders to the medical community.

1. Apologizing for Your Existence Syndrome (AYES)

By far the most rampant and ferocious disease that runs rampant in today’s culture is actually rooted in humility. The problem is that’s it’s gone too far.

Oops, I accidentally brushed into you in a crowded room. “Sorry.”
Oops, I accidentally entered into a five foot radius of you with my cart in the grocery store. “Sorry.”
Oops, you accidentally tripped when I was across the hall. “Sorry.”

We say sorry so much, it’s like we’re apologizing for our own existence.

2. So Many Selfies Syndrome (SMSS)

Myspace used to be contagious with this. The Facebook came, then Instagram. But SMSS has a new home. Snapchat. Every single picture is a selfie.

3. Starbucks and Ugg Boots Disorder (SUBD)

Also known in some more racists circles as common white girl problem. Since I don’t own a pair of Ugg Boots, I only have the Starbucks part of this disorder. *Sips on Cafe Verona.*

4. Smartphones in Class Disease (SCD)

Since I am working my way up the ranks and will be an instructor next semester, this disease has become more noticeable to me.
Wait, no… I was just checking the time. I promise!

5. Short Attention Spans. 

Also known as the thing that makes me have to keep blogs to 250 words or less. Thanks a lot.

Word count: 240 words.

about the author

Comments

comments

Matthew Estes

Matthew Estes currently exists in the ether between graudate student and full-time worker. One day he hopes to be a full-time novelist and blogger, but until that day comes he spends his time playing video games, eating pizza, and being with his soon-to-be wife. However, he has yet to do all three at the same time. Bucket list stuff, you know.