I Stand Humbly Before God…

I stand humbly before God in prayer. The illusion of the life I live fades to the background. In a crowded building, it’s just him and me. I come to him with my pride, sin, and delusions of perfection in tow, and he is there, blinding me with his flawless beauty. Just one look, and I’m stunned. Could I really be so rusty? Could I really be so fallen? Could a God with such brilliance really love me enough to create me, to sustain me, and to save me?

Day go by where we don’t communicate. And each passing hour I try to avoid his gaze, I slowly forget what it’s like to be human. Each day I’m one step closer to self-destructing, a landmine of flaws. It’s my own fault that’s when I decide cry out to him.

A moment of doubt turns into a lack of faith. A lack of faith turns into a lifestyle change. A lifestyle change turns into unbelief. The cycle continues until met with uncontrollable destruction.

I can’t let that happen to me. My faith means too much. So I offer an apology.

“I’m sorry God. I’m sorry I ever tried to control things myself.”

He says, “I forgave you long ago.”

I feel brave, so I ask him the question that’s been haunting me since childhood.

“But God, how do I know you created me? How do I know I’m not making this all up?”

He replies: “You’re here, aren’t you?”

Word count: 248

Photo credit: HD Wall Source

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Matthew Estes

Matthew Estes currently exists in the ether between graudate student and full-time worker. One day he hopes to be a full-time novelist and blogger, but until that day comes he spends his time playing video games, eating pizza, and being with his soon-to-be wife. However, he has yet to do all three at the same time. Bucket list stuff, you know.