Four Things Guys Need to Stop Saying to Girls

I try (and often fail) to be an exceptional human being. Consequently, I try to be an exceptional member of male society. This first time my fiancee met me, she told me the following:

“Any girl would be lucky to have you.”

Guys, I don’t claim to have all of the answers, but I can help you get to that point. There are some things that guys say that seem chauvinistic, and frankly disrespectful. But I also understand that it may not seem that way from our side of the world. You may sincerely just be commenting on her beauty. That’s why I’m writing this; to help guys understand the things that devastate a relationship right from the get-go.

1. You’re hot!

Let’s just get this one out of our collective systems right now. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if the word “hot” was completely removed from society’s vocabulary in any form. The hot mid-July temperature? Blistering. The hot new Netflix series? Popular. The hot fajitas you ordered? Sizzling. The hot Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Chick-Fil-A? Actually… not all that spicy. Or hot.

The reason I don’t like this is because it strongly focuses on the physical features of a female in a provocative way. Girls want to be pretty. If you want to say that, just tell them that they’re pretty. Most of them aren’t trying to appeal to guys in the same way that we think when we call them hot.

2. Anything involving the word “sexy.”

I just don’t think guys are responsible enough to use this word appropriately. If you use it, be sure the two of you have an intimate relationship, i.e. marriage. If not, this becomes the biggest turn-off ever. EVAR. Seriously though, give this term about two years to age, then you can probably get away with calling her sexy about once a day.

3. Just deal with it.

Let’s get into real relationship conversations now. Girls and guys deal with problems differently. Guys will tend to crash headlong into problems, but for girls it’s different. For them, overcoming the struggle is what makes them better human beings. For many girls, it truly is about the journey rather than the destination. It’s not so easy for them to just deal with something in the same way you would deal with a leaky faucet or a minor cut. You may know the answer, but that’s not the point. They want someone to listen and respond. In this case, the thing that fixed the problem is normally conversation with someone trustworthy.

4. You need to change. 

I hate this one with all of my heart. I’ve heard countless guys say that girls need to change to fit society’s standards of beauty. Wear more makeup; wear less clothes. Make yourself hot/sexy. No. No No NO. Girls must not change who they are to please others, especially guys. As a guy, it is imperative that you love someone for who they are, not modifying her to fit your ideal image. Often as a relationship develops, a guy finds things about a girl that annoys or frustrates him. That’s the whole point! The flaws of two people in relationship with each other ultimately allow a time-tested love to flourish. Nobody needs to change to fit the image of another.

about the author

[This post was originally published on August 26, 2014. It’s been revised and republished because, frankly, I’m a better writer now.]
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Matthew Estes

Matthew Estes currently exists in the ether between graudate student and full-time worker. One day he hopes to be a full-time novelist and blogger, but until that day comes he spends his time playing video games, eating pizza, and being with his soon-to-be wife. However, he has yet to do all three at the same time. Bucket list stuff, you know.

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